Thoughts — Dreaming

 

Not long ago, I had a meltdown. A personal crisis. I had lost direction, I wasn’t sure where I was going with my life. And I panicked. And then, I wrote this piece on taking a leap of faith. And it was clear. I wrote it to get the thoughts out of my head. I wrote it to find my own truth. And I did. So, I made plans to drop out of grad school at the end of the quarter, and I redid my website as best I could on a budget. And then I launched Emily Wenzel Photography. And I worked. And worked. And worked. And for the past six weeks, I have been working. I took off two days at Thanksgiving, I made myself leave my work at home while visiting my family (you’re welcome, mom). But I worked hard. And I still have a list as long as my arm of things to do.

But I knew, I knew I couldn’t do this without lots of work. And so I have put my heart and my soul into my work. Into my dreams. And even when I’m exhausted and busy, even when I’ve apologized to my friends and family repeatedly for not making it to events, for not calling them back, I’m happy. And when I turned in that last paper, when I wrote the last word of my last final on Thursday. I felt a weight lifted. I had a peace in my heart. Because I knew that I was going in the right direction. And then, this last weekend, I realized that things were paying off.

That juggling my day job and photography is worth it.

That I’m working towards something amazing. That the people in this business are awesome. Really awesome. That there is a support network out there, full of people just like me. Full of people who are walking away from their day jobs and following their dreams. That I’m not the only crazy one.

And that, when you realize how awesome your life can be, it’s hard to sleep at night because it’s exciting. But those ups? They come with downs. And sometimes I crash. I sit in a corner, huddled in a ball and wonder if I can do this.  Can I do this?

Every day I get up and I ask myself that. And every day, I tell myself yes. Because if you can’t believe in yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?St Aloysius Gonzaga University Wedding // Emily Wenzel Photography

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