My heart is heavy with the ache of words unspoken. I find it hard to articulate what I feel right now. But I’m trying to say it all. I’m finding my life, my dreams, my aspirations, pulling me in a thousand different directions. I find myself standing at a crossroads, unsure of what I want on the surface, scared to acknowledge that I know exactly what I want deep down. I’ve kept my dreams locked away, deep inside. I’ve been afraid to let myself succeed for fear of the reality not living up to my dreams. I’ve been scared.
Scared to take a leap of faith. And I look around, I see all those who have taken that chance. Who’ve stood where I stand now, at a crossroads, and made their decision. They took chances. They lived the life they wanted. And they have prospered. And sometimes they’ve failed. And some don’t make it. But we don’t know, unless we try, do we?
I am standing on the edge of something great. I can feel it. I am able to dream of all I can be. But I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll fail. I’m scared that I won’t be as good as I think I can be. I’m scared to crash and burn. And I want certainty. But certainty is not available. Even in this day and age, with technology so advanced, we cannot know the future. There are too many different possibilities.
It’s possibly, that I will succeed. It’s also possible that I will fail. But I will never know if I don’t take a chance. If I cannot take a leap of faith, how will I know how far, how high, I can jump. I dream of a life worth living, yet am afraid to put myself out there. I say I have talent, but do not pursue it. I want all the rewards, but have so far, been unwilling to work for them. I find my dreams pulling me in different directions. I find that my heart is not in what I’m doing. I find myself trying to be someone that I’m not.
And it makes my heart ache. But I’m scared to make the change and take a chance. I’m scared to find I won’t be good enough. I’m scared I won’t really love it. I’m scared to take that leap of faith. But I’m also scared of the regrets. Because it’s better to regret living than to never have lived at all.
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
This Emily Dickenson poem used to be on my wall. It was my inspiration in so many ways. In one of my many moves, I must have lost it. I still have the book, but I don’t have this poem up any more. On a shoot on Sunday, I saw it again. Etched in stone at a library. And it reminded me. It reminded me that hope is always there, just waiting for you to listen. Believe in your dreams. Believe in your hopes. Conquer your fears. Take that leap of faith.